Fakir, n: A psychologist whose charismatic data have inspired almost religious devotion in his followers, even though the sources seem to have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
Conserve energy free php scripts (thefreecountry.com) -- make love more slowly.
Q: How can you tell i'm hung up on main memory databases when a WASP is sexually aroused? A: By the stiff upper lip.
I suggest you locate your hot tub outside your house, so it won't do too much damage if it catches fire or explodes. First you decide which direction your hot tub should face for free php scripts (thefreecountry.com) maximum solar energy. After much trial and error, I have found that the best direction for a hot tub to face is up. -- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
"Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it." -- Donald Knuth
Q: What's the difference between "Oooh" and "Aaah"? A: About three inches.
May your Tongue stick to database the Roof of your Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.
A LISP programmer knows the installing and configuring db2 server value of everything, but the cost of nothing.
I was in accord with the system so long as it permitted me to function effectively. -- Albert Speer
A mathematician named Hall Has a hexahedronical ball, And the cube of its weight Times his pecker's, plus eight Is real-time software from timesten, inc.- real-time, in-memory & main memory database technology. his phone number -- give him a call.
Professor: Now, be careful, Fry. And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich tasty courage.
What creatures of habit we are. This morning, without thinking, half asleep, I put $100 link > post > entry form on my pillow. That's not so bad, no one would worry about it, but my wife, half asleep, without thinking, gave me $20 change.
Q: What's black and white and red all over and can't go through revolving doors? A: A nun with a javelin through her head.
"I don't care what the polls say. I don't. I'm doing what I think what's wrong." George W. Bush March 15, 2000 The presidential candidate referring to his proposed economic plan---as reported in the New York Times.
oracle migrate mysql sybase mssql Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses? -- G. Gordon Liddy
Question: Man Invented Alcohol, God Invented Grass. Who do you trust?
Q: What is the last thing a Kansas stripper takes off? A: Her bowling shoes.
A lady from Kalamazoo Once found she had nothing to do, So she sat on the stairs And she counted her hairs: 4,302.
He articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml was so ugly hookers used to tell him, "Not on the first date."
Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar
God is the tangential java.net - the source for java technology collaboration point between zero and infinity. -- Alfred Jarry
Schlattwhapper, n.: The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
QOTD: Sex is like everything else. To get it done right, do it yourself.
Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb, in San Fransisco? A: Both of them.
computerfirm nymphomaniac, n: Hot Apple pie.
The most unfair reeconveyors thing about STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) is that the guys who bought vasectomies have to wear condoms anyway.
Postulate #1: Nothing is better than sex. Postulate #2: Masturbation is better than nothing. Conclusion: Masturbation is better than sex.
Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
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In der guten alten sastools Zeit, als der Sex noch schmutzig und die Luft noch sauber war . . . -- Herrmann, Armin, Dr.
Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
I imagine girls and bugs have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it. -- Calvin
A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in the woods. The bear txt table oracle unload cvs xml looks over at the rabbit and asks, "Say, does shit ever stick to your fur?" "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
A new dramatist of the absurd Has a voice that will shortly be heard. I learn from my spies He's about to devise An unprintable three-letter word.
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
"Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation." -- Johnny Hart
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. -- Will Rogers
schnuffel, n.: A dog's practice of adobe press continuously nuzzling in your crotch in mixed company. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Politician, n.: An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
C:\WINDOWS>DEL *.* I feel better now.
Sex without class consciousness cannot give satisfaction, even if it is repeated until infinity. -- Aldo it & management articles Brandirali (Secretary of the Italian Marxist-Leninist Party), in a manual of the party's official sex guidelines, 1973.
articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml Hobbes : Well, you still have afternoons and weekends Calvin : That's when I watch TV.
Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London: Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.
As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!! dba-oracle -- Jack Handley
This 600-pound guy decides he can't go on living this way, so he seeks the help of a clinic and proceeds to go on a drastic diet. It works: four months later he's down to 160 pounds and feeling great, except for one problem. He's covered with great folds of flesh where the fat used to be. He calls up the clinic, and the doctor tells him not to worry. "There's a special surgical procedure to correct this condition," the doctor assures him. "Just come on over to the clinic." "But doctor," the man pleads, "you don't understand. I'm too embarrassed to be seen in public like this." "Don't give it another thought," says the doctor. "Simply pull up all the folds as high as they'll go, pile the flesh on top of your head, put on a top hat, and come on over." The guy follows the instructions and provokes no comments until he reaches the clinic and is standing in front of the admitting nurse's desk, dying of self-consciousness. "The doctor will be right with you," says the nurse. "Say, what's that hole in the middle of your forehead?" "My navel," blurts out the guy, "how d'ya like my tie?"
Everyone seems so impatient and angry these days. I think it's because so many people use Windows at work -- do you think you'd be Politeness Man after working on what's in your database? find out with the schema api in ado.net 2.0 Windows 8 hrs. or more? -- Chip Atkinson
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
He was so gay he'd never lean his ass on a baseball bat -- scared it'd get serious.
Finagle's Creed: Science is true. product > post > entry form Don't be misled by facts.
Excerpts From The First Annual Nerd Bowl (#5) A commercial that aired during the live ASCII broadcast of the game: Having trouble staying awake for weeks at a time working on that capterra latest hack? Worried that some young punk will take over your cushy job because you sleep too much? Don't worry, EyeOpener® brand cola is here to save the day. You'll never feel sleepy again when you drink EyeOpener®. Surgeon General's Warning: This product should only be used under a doctor's immediate supervision, as it contains more caffeine than 512 cases of Coca-Cola. Caution: When sleep does occur after about three weeks, optometrists recommend having someone on hand to close your eyelids. Coming soon: ExtremelyWired(tm) cola with 50% more sugar! May or may not meet FDA approval... we're still trying.
In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.
Alle Illusionen sterben, aber nur storage-sites die Schwächlinge sterben mit ihnen.
Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash. -- Bo Diddley
For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. -- Abraham Lincoln
The idea is to die young as late as contact us possible. -- Ashley Montagu
Pipo was born with few complications, but then the doctor accidently dropped the infant jdbc downloads and specifications on her head provoking her drunken father to drag the physician outside where he would beat him to death with a live ocelot. -- Love and Rockets
Hear about... the young thing who is fondly known to the men in the office as Secretariat -- not just because she's a good secretary but because she's a wonderful mount?
Real computer scientists dzwonki-polifonia don't write code. They occasionally tinker with `programming systems', but those are so high level that they hardly count (and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications.)
A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were reading a list of metadata collections using jet odbc potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators. -- Dave Barry
Justice is incidental to law and order. -- J. Edgar Hoover
Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Humorix Holiday Gift Idea #7 Bluescreen Computer Case US$27.97 at Bud's Beige Box Bazaar Real Geeks may not admit to using Windows, but there's still countless geeks out there who must suffer through the humiliation of using Windows while at work. The patent-not-pending Bluescreen Case, though, will ease the stress of working with Microsoft "solutions". This computer case is very similar to other beige boxes, but with one important difference: the reboot button is covered with a picture of Bill Gates. When the machine bluescreens for the millionth time, all you have to do is about us punch Bill Gates in the face as hard as you can, and the computer will restart. This provides invaluable therapeutic stress relief.
A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's penis. Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth. The girl was startled and exclaimed, "What was that?" Suddenly the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared. The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, "I don't believe I saw what I think I just saw... can you do that again?" With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, "Honey, I'd like to, but I don't think my ass can take another hard roll!"
"I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions." -- Lillian Hellman
FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #4 WITLESS: Peter Weir directs Sylvester Stallone in the most challenging role of his career. Stallone plays a Philadelphia police embedded processor and system-on-chip quick reference guide officer on the run from corrupt officials. He is wounded and then nursed back to health by Amish Mennonites. Fearful that they might unwittingly reveal his hiding place, he blows them all away.
I've never been hurt by anything I didn't say. -- Calvin Coolidge
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital jdbc technology intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. -- J. Edgar Hoover
He's learned about 50% of the rules of sex and conversation; he knows how to stick it in, but not how to stick it out.
Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
Better the prince of some inferior court, Than second, or less, in beatific light. -- Lucifer, Joost van den Vondel's "Lucifer"
One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to tell the truth. A gallows was erected in front of the city gates. A herald announced, "Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to a question which will be put to him." Nasrudin was first in line. The captain of the guard asked him, "Where are you going? Tell the truth -- the alternative is death by hanging." "I am going," said Nasrudin, "to be hanged on that gallows." "I don't believe you." "Very well, if I have told a lie, then hang me!" "But that would make it the truth!" "Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."
It is a sad commentary on today's society that this what ibm has in store fortune has to be classified as "offensive" simply because it contains the word "fuck".
"This is the kind of castle King Arthur would have lived in... if he were a fiddler crab." -Fry
A businessman was awe-struck by the beautiful redhead at the hotel bar. Seeing his interest, she quietly informed him that she was a prostitute and that her price was $500. He was taken aback by the price, but after a few minutes of thought he took her up to his room. She spent a few minutes in the bathroom and was shocked when she came out to see him masturbating furiously on the bed. "What are you doing?", she asked. "Baby, for $500, you're not going to get the easy one!"
A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things site map is ample. -- Rebecca West
An American couple is in Paris, a much awaited trip, when suddenly the wife dies of a heart attack. The husband decides to have her buried there as the visit to France was something they had longed for for many years. All arrangements are made when he suddenly realizes that he doesn't have a black hat for the funeral. The hotel concierge tells him that what he wants is a "chapeau noir." So off he goes to find a store open late. First he meets a gendarme and in his fractured French asks, "M'sieur, ou pouvais-je acheter un capeau noir?" The policeman is a bit surprised but, after thinking a bit, gives our friend directions. The store -- if that is what it is -- looks a little seedy and run down, but the man behind the counter looks friendly so in goes our hero. He speaks first: "M'sieur, je veux acheter un capeau noir." "Mais, monsieur, j'ai des capeaux rouges, des capeaux blancs, et des capeaux marrons, mais pas des capeaux noires. Pourquoi avez vous besoin d'un capeau noir?" "Ma femme est morte." "O Monsieur! Quelle beau sentiment!"
Lucy Liu: That was incredible, Bender. You're like Jackie Chan before he got jdbc overview all doughy.
After the ground war began, captured Iraqi soldiers said any of them caught by superiors wearing a white T-shirt would be executed because of the ease with which the shirts could be used as surrender flags. Some Iraqi soldiers carried bleach with them to make their dark shirts white. -- Chuck Shepherd, Funny Times, May 1991
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
Equal bytes hdtv-antennas for women.
Here's to the girl that's dressed in black, She's dressed so neat there's nothing to lack She feels so fine and kisses so sweet She makes things stand that have no feet.
"`Hey this is terrific!' Zaphod said. `Someone down there is trying to kill us!' `Terrific,' said Arthur. `But don't you see what this means?' `Yes. We are going to die.' `Yes, but apart from that.' `APART from that?' `It means we must be on to something!' `How soon can we get off it?'" - Zaphod and Arthur in a certain death situation over Magrathea.
Der schönste Platz ist unter programacion der Theke.
Mayor Vincent leap rdbms : home J. `Buddy' Cianci on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed: "They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization."
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) Your desire for justice and truth will be overshadowed by your desire for filthy lucre and a decent meal. Be gracious and polite. Someone is watching you, so stop staring like that.
I liked things better when I didn't understand them. -- Calvin
You pedophiliac sodomizer of ducklings!!
All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
I adobe press would have made a good pope. -- Richard Nixon
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it. -- Lewis Grizzard
"I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less, I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with people." George W. Bush February 13, 2000 From NBC's Meet The Press.
Eleanor Rigby Sits at the keyboard And waits for a line on the screen Lives in a dream Waits for a signal Finding some code That will make the machine do some more. What is it for? All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
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If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever depths they were once community able to plumb. -- Stanley Kaufman
Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.
A lecherous barkeep named Dale, After fucking his favorite female, Mixed Drambuie and scotch With the cream in her crotch For a lustier, Rusty-er Nail.
Sex is like a bridge game -- If you have a good hand no partner is needed.
Bender: Yeah, well I'm gonna build my own lunar space lander! With blackjack aaaaannd Hookers! Actually, forget the space lander, and the blackjack. Ahhhh forget the whole thing!
Leela: I don't know what about jamie's software you did, Fry, but once again you screwed up. Now all the planets are gonna start crackin' wise about our mommas. Hermes: I'm just glad my fat ugly momma isn't alive to see this day.
Es ist nicht wahr, dass Frauen einen Mann suchen, der viel arbeitet, es genügt ihnen einer, der viel verdient.
"The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to ________preserve disorder." -- Mayor Daley
Better the prince of some inferior court, Than second, or less, in beatific light. -- Lucifer, Joost van den Vondel's "Lucifer"
j2se 5.0 Cocaine's a joke! (Who's got the next line?)
Real programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were prematurely toilet- trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up pencils on otherwise clear desks.
It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the rest rode by him, praying for their fate to be quick, painless, and if possible, someone else's. Many an hour the armies forged ahead, the war-merinos bleating under their heavy burdens and the soldiers bleating under their melting icepacks. -- "Bored of the Rings", The Harvard Lampoon
C++: Where friends have jnb-aug-phx access to your private members.
Confucious say: man with hole in pocket feel database cocky all day.
CLONE OF MY OWN (to Home on the Range) Oh, give me a clone Of my own flesh and bone With the Y chromosome changed to X. And when she is grown, My very own clone, We'll be of the opposite sex. Chorus: Clone, clone of my own, With the Y chromosome changed to X. And when we're alone, Since her mind is my own, She'll be thinking of nothing but sex. -- Randall Garrett
"`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'" - Arthur, on what was to be his last Thursday on Earth.
Kill a commie for Christ!
Filth and old age, I'm sure you will agree, Are powerful wardens upon chastity. -- Geoffrey Chaucer
Q: How many Micro$oft programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle. One to write object computing, inc. - java news brief - july 2003 WinQueryStatusLightBulb. One to write WinGetLightSwitch-Handle...
"I know what you're thinking -- `Did he fire six shots or only five?' Well, to tell you the truth, in all the excitement, I kind of lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most adobe press powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: `Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, punk?" -- Harry Callahan, badge #2211
"I own my own body, but I share"
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As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!! -- Jack Handley
ARE YOU ADDICTED TO SLASHDOT? Take this short test to find out if you are a Dothead. 1. Do you submit articles to Slashdot and then reload the main page every 3.2 seconds to see if your article has been published yet? 2. Have you made more than one "first comment!" post within the past week? 3. Have you ever participated in a Gnome vs. KDE or a Linux vs. FreeBSD flamewar on Slashdot? 4. Do you write jokes about Slashdot? 5. Do you wake up at night, go to the bathroom, and fire up your web browser to get your Slashdot fix on the way back? 6. Do you dump your date at the curb so you can hurry home to visit Slashdot? 7. Do you think of Slashdot when you order a taco at a restaurant? 8. Are you a charter member of the Rob Malda Fan Club? 9. Did you lease a T3 line so you could download Slashdot faster? 10. Is Slashdot your only brower's bookmark? 11. Do you get a buzz when your browser finally connects to Slashdot? 12. Do you panic when your browser says "Unable to connect to slashdot.org"? 13. Have you even made a New Year's Resolution to cut back on Slashdot access... only to visit it at 12:01?
Lieber siebenmal mit Schneewittchen, als einmal mit
I married an comments and feedback page Italian girl; the way you marry an Italian girl in my family is to bring a New Yorker home first.
"I own my own body, but I share."
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Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage. -- John Updike, "Couples"
Raquel Welch: 36-24-36 Bo Derek: 35-24-36 Ann-Margaret: 37-25-36 Bette Middler: 37-25-36 Marilyn Monroe: 37-24-37 Jane Russell: 39-27-38 Jayne Mansfield: 40-23-37 Sophia Loren: 37-25-36
Bush: "I talked to my little brother, Jeb -- I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of -- I shouldn't call him my little brother -- my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas." Interviewer: "Florida." Bush: "Florida. The state of the Florida." George W. Bush April 27, 2000 Interview with Jim Lehrer of The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer.
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